Lulabelle Gimlin's Diary: Heximer's Last Attempt

December 29, 1900



I had yet another uncomfortable encounter with Mr. Heximer Thane today.  This time, he actually came calling at my room over the stable.  Luckily, I already had my hat on, intending to head straight out the door to do my marketing.  Mr. Thane told me right away he wanted to have a serious talk with me.  That set off my warning bells. 

I tried to tell him I was in a hurry but he said, "Miss Lu, it seems like you're always in a hurry to run off whenever we meet.  I can understand why, what with me being unemployed and having no home to offer a lady and all.  So I've come to tell you I am going to try to become a man worthy of a lady such as yourself."

"Uh," I said trying to think of what to say to cut him off.

"This very day, I plan to meet with the mayor and offer myself up to replace Philomenaville's constable.  I hear they been needin' an officer of the law in this little town for quite some time and the job's been done by the mayor himself ever since the last constable disappeared on a drunk." 

"Uh," I said, the picture of eloquence. 

"Oh I know," Mr. Thane continued.  "I've got no experience at being a law man but I know how to handle a fire arm and I'm not any kind of drunk or gambler or letch." 

"Uh," I said, proud to call myself a writer. 

"So, Miss Lu," he went on, evidently not noticing he was the only one having this conversation, "I plan to get myself hired and then buy a little house right here in Philomenaville.  Then, I'll be all set to ask you to be my wife." 

Finally, I found my voice.  Unfortunately it was the deeper one I try not to use in public.  "NO," I said much louder than I intended.  

The man looked crestfallen.  "What?  You don't think I could make a good constable?" 

"No, you'll make a fine constable.  I mean I will not marry you.  Ever.  Under any circumstances.  Won't you please just go away and leave me alone?" 

As the words came out of my mouth, I could here Miss Trolley's voice in my head telling me what a fool I am and how I'm not getting any younger and fine men like Mr. Heximer Thane don't come along every day. 

Heximer Thane looked at me like he was about to cry, but he didn't.  Instead, he tipped his hat with great dignity and said, "Why thank you, Miss Gimlin, for your blunt honesty.  I won't bother you again." 

And, with that, he was gone.  I turned around and went right back up my stairs, took my hat off and headed out to my back porch to smoke a pipe.  The marketing can wait.

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